The soundtrack to overthinking...

fyi this blog has a soundtrack, you can listen to what i was listening and curbing my direction of thought i added the songs to the blog. download them and listen to them while reading...

{matchbox 20 "3am"}When i first started working at the plant i worked straight nights as a patrol officer. Since then i have been promoted through the ranks and have my own shift, i work weekends but at least its a day shift. I have forgotten why i hated night shift so much until tonight. Another supervisor departed from the {trapt "headstrong} company and i was forced to take on his night shift tonight. sure nothing goes on, its cooler, and there are no upper management around to hassle you. but the most distracting thing is stronger than ever in these conditions. your own mind. when left alone and forced to stay awake your mind makes up scenarios and situations, {dire straights "fade to black"} analysis and comparisons, what ifs and how comes. these can be devastating to someone who thinks as much as myself. which is why i listen to music. i have an mp3 player with about 900 songs loaded on it, switched on random and playing. the problem with this is , after you put on a private concert for yourself you start listening to the songs and applying them to your life. {johnny cash "ring of fire"} you start to wonder what these songwriters were thinking about while they came across their inspirado. were they sitting around in their own loathing listening to music or were they actually living life.... Maybe that's my problem, i really need a life. i mean i have a life but its an old persons life. dont get me wrong i love my son and there is nothing that would separate me from him. but in all actuality Im the equivalent to an old maid. i work all day and take care of my son when Im at home. and i also go to school so the old maid has shit on me. i have no time for a personal life and that sucks because i really feel that {guns and roses "patience"} void in my life..... 'sidebar what a strange song to come on at this point in my rant. perhaps the music gods are telling me something. maybe i just need a little patience. ' i need a connection with another person. that sappy, so sweet it makes my stomach hurt something. the same feeling Im sure some of you out there have felt before, or are feeling right now, to those of you that are,,,, u suck,,, that's from all of us that are longing to feel that way. U know what and Im tired of people telling me to stop looking for someone. to just learn to love myself.... i love myself just fine i like me Im pretty awesome. {Jerry lee Lewis "great balls of fire"} ---hey shut up he paved the way for alot of modern rock. ... where was i... oh yeah Im awesome, and if you stop looking and someone else isn't looking how the hell would anyone ever hookup. Im being proactive, besides how are you going to appreciate finding something "in this case someone" {brooks and dunn"lost and found in a border town"} if you were never looking for it , that's like saying hey stop looking for your remote control and learn to love getting off the couch and changing the channel manually, well channel surfing sucks when you have to bend over for half an hour...... I dont really know where i was going with that analogy but Im sure some of you can make some sense of it and Im sure the ladies loved being compared to a remote control, but in this way let me ease that over, in many ways your like a remote control to us, if your not there we definitely notice and we will wonder where you are unless sportscenter is on, you make our lives easier, and we are most comfortable with you in our laps. ... "jk ladies" "hi 5 guys".