A life worth living

When i was a young boy my mother taught me the sign language sign for "I love you". It was our special little thing neither of us were deaf but it was our special way of saying it to each other. I passed this on to my son but we have our own special thing I squeeze his hand 3 times and he squeezes mine back. Those are two things I will remember until the day I die.

Cancer is a car wreck. One day you are planning a camping trip with your friends and it comes smashing in to change your life. June 2011 I received the call from my sister saying momma is sick. My mother had symptoms of pneumonia but when the doctors scanned her lungs they diagnosed her with stage 4 lung cancer. My mother was given six months to live. Two weeks later she took her last breath. It was fast and aggressive and painful. I stayed by her side for the duration. The woman who was always so strong and my rock needed me and I'm so thankful I was able to be by her side. When faced with terminal cancer you really don't have many options other than to get ready and unfortunately for some people its a very painful indefinite amount of time. The last two weeks of my moms life were spent either in pain or so medicated she didn't know what was going on around her. I'm thankful that her passing was so fast because I cant imagine her having to go through that for months or even years like some people have to. She said it felt like she was being squeezed to death and every breath she took felt shorter than the last and she was scared because she didn't know how long and how tough it was going to be. Hospice was involved but they were there to "make her comfortable" which is basically saying they would medicate her to the point her pain was gone but that meant she would be so tired and incoherent it was basically for us just waiting for her to pass. She was so afraid of being helpless, she was always such a strong bullheaded woman. The thought of having some stranger bathe her and help her use the facilities angered her, but she would not have had the family do it because to her that would have been that much worse. She was afraid not of dying but of losing her dignity. I'm positive that if her fight had gone on longer she would have been miserable, but again we were lucky time was on our side. In the middle of struggling to breathe she looked at me and gave me the "I love you" sign. I have never cried out of true sadness and love at the same time as I did when I signed it back.

Oregon has a die with dignity law which allows a person who is in pain and terminal the ability to pass on their own terms without having to suffer through pain which cannot be healed. It also allows that person to opt not to be in a state for the rest of their life that doesnt allow them the quality of a life worth living. My mother did not want to be on life support, in pain for the rest of her life but that is exactly what would have happened if her cancer had not been so aggressive. She would have lost her dignity, and her life which nobody should have to do. I hope that if I am ever in that position I wont have to rely on 3 squeezes to tell my son I love him because im too weak or medicated.


There is a documentary called "How to die in Oregon" which explains this with much more information and grace than i do. but personal stories are how you can get the word out so thats why I wrote this. I fully support the right to die with dignity.
Love to all

https://www.facebook.com/howtodieinoregon?fref=ts
http://www.deathwithdignity.org/

Its time to wake up.

When you dream are you aware that you are dreaming? Have you ever experienced things in a dream that you cannot explain? how physics works how things work? Have you ever had the feeling that someone was watching your every move? have you ever considered that you are the one watching you? Belief in positive thinking or prayer has been thought to bring favorable outcomes,
 have you considered that this is your brain attempting to control your dream? Perhaps you are scared to wake up because this is the best dream you have ever had. Or maybe this is a nightmare and you cant wake up from it. Or perhaps you simply just don't know you're dreaming. Either way we cannot dream forever there is always a time one needs to WAKE UP. Deja vu, its not some mystical occurrence or trick your brain plays on you, it's your brain feeding actual information into your dream. Have you ever met someone who reminded you so much of someone you already know. That's because you know a finite number of people in your real life and your mind recycles the attributes of those people into the vast number of characters in your dream. Your real life is waiting for you. Don't be scared. Consider this, If in fact this whole vast life you think you have been living were a dream and you either wanted to or needed to wake up your self conscience would design a method of you to either wake yourself up or to inform you that it was in fact a dream. If that was the case I did not write this blog you did. This is a scary premise yes, but with this truth comes a bit of comfort, all the bad things are not real, they have simply manifested here by your own fears leaking into your dream. All the good things in this "life" come from within you and seeing how in this world you have made good defeat evil. You are inherently a good person allowing your goodness, your virtue and your own happiness from your heart overcome the only real evil there is, your own fear. Acknowledge that you have learned the lesson you needed to learn from this slumber and your eyes will open to the real world.... Did you sleep well?